Decision is defined as the act or process of making up one’s mind; determination, as of a question or doubt, by making a judgment. We make these judgement everyday, whether its life changing or not, there’s always a consequences. Consequences affects people and there’s always a price to pay. Like it or not, decisions normally come with regrets. Making decisions is like playing a game of lottery, some say it’s 50-50, either you win or you lose while some arithmetic freaks will coin up some nutty fruitcake in-depth probability equation on the right and wrong. I like to believe not all wrongs are wrong and what some perceive as right might not be well.. Entirely right. Ambiguity is a word I like because everything is ambiguous.
Making a decision and living by it for better or worse is the mark of a true man. Having regrets and things, it just takes your time away. Someone told me a road without obstacles probably leads no where. It’s too easy brooding over ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’ and that is what I’m still learning to come to grip.
I’ve been in a mess, withdrawn and in a constant state of self-reproach. That forlorn figure I cut out in the mirror says pathetic and I hate myself so much lately its not even funny. Behind the confident self I portray is a broken, shattered soul. Truth be told, my biggest weakness is the everest expectations I have for myself and my quest to be a better man. My eagerness in bringing the best out of myself for everyone around me even when they didn’t expect anything from me. You can call it egoistic but I prefer to call it my mission. Happiness to me is not being contend myself, it’s the smile that I bring out on others that convert my frown upside down. I live by the rule of not expecting anything from anyone, to avoid disappointment because not all things turn out the way I want but I never want people to live by my rule. Not trying to be noble or anything, I just want to be the sunlight that’s shines on darkness. Right now, I’m no where near. It’s not easy to be super and I deserve more love.. From myself.
All I ever want now is my sticky situation to be resolved before I know what my next step will be. I foresee hardship coming but that’s only right for a growing young man to pull through the test of time. I will survive and I will be stronger and better. Get there or die trying. It’s me against the world, alone and it shall be.
Dear almighty, give me the midas touch of gold in everything I undertake. Give me strength when I’m too weak to pull myself up from the all time low. Love the people I love when I couldn’t be there for them. I don’t know what to believe in except that you really might be there.
Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.
Henry A. Kissinger
